The Wheel of Life

The Wheel of Life.
At its center?
Love.
A central axis from which all things manifest.
An ever continuing cycle.
What we pour into love, radiates outwards, and then ultimately back into itself.

Each heartbeat.
Each breath.
Each thought.

All moments that exist within a grand, non-linear spectrum of space and time.
Floating between you and me.
Building a shimmering, intricate web of subtle energies that pave the way for divine connection.

When your heart beats, my heart beat becomes your heart beat.
When you breathe, my breath becomes your breath.
When you send your thoughts into the universe, my thoughts follow suit and become entwined with your thoughts.

How can this happen? How, when we are separate, can such things be?

The answer my dear, lies in the knowing that there is no separation.

Are You Awake?

Are you awake?
Do you cry out in your dreams for a life of something more? Something greater?
Or do you rest peacefully with a knowing that in this state you are simply recharging in order to be on purpose in your waking hours?

Do you see?
Do you gaze upon the illusion thrust before you with a blind eye?
Or do you seek to see behind the curtain, through the fog and the haze, past the simple reflection that has been set in front of you?

Do you listen?
Do you hear the thunderous sounds of chaos that wreak havoc on your soul?
Or can you hear the voices that whisper softly, creating a melodious hum that rides like a warm breeze on a summer day?

Do you feel?
Do you sense the thorns that drag across your skin? Leaving you bleeding and raw?
Or are you enraptured by the softness of feathers dancing around your body?
By the light of the moon which caresses every fiber of your being?

The veil between these worlds is thin.
Light and dark.
Grounded and spirited.
Attached and free.

Make room for play amongst the ruins.
Stay clear and focused in the realms of mystics.
Go forth and unfurl yourself across this wild land.

StarDust

You are stardust.
Trickled down and brought into form.
Existing somewhere between this world and another.
Illuminated and magnificent.
Capable of so much more than what you see in front of you.

Your heart, a vessel for more love than ever imagined.
Your soul, a vast expanse of everything that can ever be known.
Your body, an expression of divine being that dances with fervor in order to bring heaven and stars down to earth.

Go.
Be the light the world needs.
Sing and play and make magic.
Envelop all who are made of stardust.
For they are you. And you are them.

Coming Undone

I’m coming undone.

Naked and exposed.

By the light of the moon and the wind through the trees.

My metamorphosis is taking shape.

The layers peeling back.

Skin melting. Bones crumbling.

The energy surrounding this transformation is intense.

And powerful.

And emotional.

It rises up from within desperately looking for a way to break free.

With it comes tears. An uncontrollable release.

The wild urges that stir from deep within are becoming more and more unsettled.

There is a great power that looms.

One that is primal and ancestral and aches to be learned.

It calls to me in such a way that can no longer be ignored-

otherwise it is possible I just might burst.

With this comes questions.
Am I ready?
What is it that I fear?
What will I look like once I break open?

All signs affirm that now is the time, but something keeps wanting to hold me back.

Perhaps my ego.

It’s quite comfortable where it sits.

It’s familiar.But that’s not how I want to live anymore.

I want to be free of this hold it has on me.

I want to burst forth of the trappings I have set in my path.

I want to fully embrace my most authentic, raw, powerful, gifted, wild, and loving self.And when this happens…magic abounds.

BeWitched

Here it is. I’m coming out of the broom closet and claiming myself. As a witch. I’ve never really called myself one outright, but it feels time to do so. Many people have a skewed definition of what this word means, so first let’s be clear about what I don’t do. I don’t worship the devil, I don’t sacrifice animals, I don’t wear all black (other than this picture), and I don’t put hexes on people. Here is what I do do. I stop to smell the flowers, I enjoy walking barefoot, I believe in the stars, the earth, and magic, I practice yoga, I smudge to clear and cleanse spaces, I dance, I read tarot (well, am learning anyway), I recognize myself as a divine being, I dance naked around fires, I embrace my creativity and power, I feel wild when it storms, I hug trees, I create ritual and ceremony, I love, I use essential oils, I do Reiki, I hold space when called for, I feel moved when I listen to music, I am empathetic- when I hear the word Witch, this is what I imagine.

Recently I learned a bit more about my family history on my paternal side. I follow a line of psychics, energy healers, empaths, and alternative medicine practitioners. Hearing about all of this for the first time made me feel like I was learning about deeper parts of myself. It has peaked my curiosity about what might happen if I were to dedicate myself to exploring and developing that innate magical essence that courses through my veins. Hearing these stories appears to have unlocked a more deeply rooted knowing– but in a way different than how I have always known that about myself. It’s difficult to put words to. I connect to this so strongly that I actually feel emotional about it. Imagine meeting yourself for the first time. Imagine seeing yourself in a different light. Imagine realizing at the very core of your being that you are capable of so much more, but in a way that is a very REAL thing and not just some ideal you have for yourself. It speaks to me with a sense of new-ness but also such familiarity.

I have always been drawn to the magical and mystical. And I have always believed that there was nothing supernatural about it. It is something available to each one of us- that is, if we choose to nurture that part of ourselves. We are all luminous beings. The universe itself is full of mystery, lore, and the unexplainable. Love allows us a view into a world of magic and enchantment. We may not be flying around on broomsticks, but of course magic exists!

This time that I have spent on the road has created an unhindered space for self-reflection and introspection. It has gotten dark and ugly at times, and it has also been amazing. There has always been the desire to tap into this witchery (which is what I like to call it) but I am just now actually doing it. Perhaps it is only now that I am truly ready.

I made a post on Facebook the other day about rewriting your script. It seems I am doing just that- and with it comes much upheaval. But isn’t that how it often works? There is a quote (though I’m not sure who wrote it) that resonates with me- “For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.”

So, this is it. My rebirth. As a full-fledged witch. And just in time for Halloween.

Shadowing

Guess what? I have a dark side. And I’m not afraid to show it. But isn’t it funny how most of us are? Isn’t it funny that most of us are afraid to speak it out loud? And not just to the world, but out loud to ourselves as well?

In general, I am a pretty positive, upbeat person. I am driven by love. Today is different. Today I am not feeling it. Today I am feeling sad, “less than”, unworthy, disconnected, lazy, unmotivated, constantly on the verge of tears, irritated, frustrated, not good enough, grief stricken, weak, stuck, I feel like escaping, I feel like I need something to shake up my life and the very thought of that is exhausting. Today, I am in a cave with my shadow self.

Now, that being said, I have always prided myself on being able to be simultaneously objective, so here it goes…

I KNOW that this too shall pass. It always does. The sun will come out tomorrow and it will be a new day. I fully understand that all of this is my ego. The ego doesn’t only work in a I’m better than you direction- it can also be degrading, self deprecating and loathsome. And you know what? IT’S ALL OK. We have bad days. We have good days. It’s part of the human experience. So often though, when we find ourselves speaking in such a way, people (with the best of intentions) want to jump to the rescue to help you see the silver lining. It’s understandable. Sometimes even appreciated. But sometimes we need to hang out in our cave for awhile, not forever, but for a time.

Here’s the other thing- you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission. Sometimes (most times), the only way to get past it is to go through it. This can make outsiders extremely uncomfortable. It’s difficult to watch anyone you love feel upset/sad/angry/fillintheblank. It is our nature to want to “fix” when life doesn’t look picture perfect. I completely understand how that feels, often more than I would like to. I am compassionate and empathetic by nature. But with that compassion comes the wisdom of understanding that sometimes humans just need be where they’re at. Short of being clinically depressed, it’s healthy. It’s normal.

I am a happy, full of love, believer of magic, smeller of roses, kind of person. But today I feel like an emotional bag of crap. I make no apologies for it. This is authentic me. This is my shadow self. I am IN it. I am OWNING it. And I am OK.

Do you have enough compassion, love and acceptance for yourself to authentically speak your shadows aloud?

It’s gonna be a big year…

2014 is going to be a big year for us! MoonStruck and Happily Homeless are partnering up, and taking love, magic and storytelling, fun photo shoots and ceremony out on the road! How can YOU support us? Share our page with friends and family, host a workshop in your town, share YOUR stories with us, purchase a hula hoop (or 2), or just help spread the MoonStruck magic in any way you can think of! There is lots of planning and work to be done- part of this project will hopefully include a book and a widespread movement.  Please do whatever you can, big or small, to show your support. It would really mean the world to us.

Reflecting…

It’s been awhile so I guess I was due for a good cry. The holidays are just about done, and it all came barreling towards me like a truck. 2013 is coming to a close and knowing that is giving me room for pause. It’s in those quiet moments that cause the upsurge of grief. This last year has provided me with many memorable moments. I watched a number of babies and mamas be born, I sat with my dying father as he took his final breath, I danced in the pouring rain at my cousin’s wedding, I brought whimsy and a bit of magic to a little girl by dressing as a fairy for her birthday, I connected with family through stories, tears and laughter, I got my first tattoo, I hula hooped to honor my dad at his memorial service, I attended HoopYogini teacher training in beautiful Sedona, AZ….the list goes on. 

It was a year of firsts since my dad’s death. It was also a year of lasts. 2013 was the last year that I saw him alive. It was the last time that I would ever give him a hug and tell him how much I love him. It was the last time I would ever hear him utter another corny joke. Each day I grieve and each day I live through it without my dad. People say he is with me in spirit- and I know people say it with love and maybe even really believe it. I get all that. I do believe it. And yet, none of it changes the grief. There was a moment last night when my husband was hugging his dad goodbye- my in-laws were in town for the last couple of weeks. I’m not gonna lie. There was a small part of me that felt envy. He was able to hug his dad knowing that he will more than likely see him again soon. If nothing else, he will be able to at least speak with him on the phone. I wouldn’t want my husband to trade places with me for a minute- no way would I wish that on him. I pray that his dad is in his life for years to come, but watching that hug stabbed at my heart a bit, “I’m never going to get to do that again with my dad.” And so the floodgates open…

I’m sure grief has changed me in ways I have yet to even see. As 2013 was absolutely one of the most difficult years I have ever endured, it also brought so much more. My heart blew open in ways I never knew. I discovered (and continue to discover) compassion on a level so deep that I know it will not go to waste. I have learned to see magic in the teeny tiniest moments of life. The appreciation and gratitude for my husband had grown exponentially. My mantra for living has become nothin’ but love. For all of these things, I am a better person. 

So what for the new year? I have hope. Hope for continued healing and peace in my family’s hearts, more love, more magic. This is the year my mom and I go out on the road to bring MoonStruck and our story to the country. One way or another, this will be a year of transformation. 

Another ending. Another beginning. One step. One breath. One heartbeat. 

Bittersweet.