A heavy heart

I was awakened around 4am this morning with heaping sobs coming from my body. They were some of the most intense tears I have had in awhile. So much so that I actually felt sick. My dad appeared in my dream last night. I was standing in the kitchen with my brother. Suddenly my dad was walking towards me. I was in shock. He has appeared before but he was with me a bit longer this time. This time I was able to hug him- and it was the most real feeling in the world. I could actually physically remember what it felt like to have him put his arms around me. He was younger and healthy looking. I just kept telling him how much I missed him and he kept responding by telling me that he missed me too. He started to head upstairs saying that he needed to say hello to my siblings. For some reason I wasn’t able to follow him. Once I woke up, I sat in my living room awhile in the dark, tears continuing to stream down my cheeks.

I went back to bed after about 45 minutes. I had another dream. In this experience, I was standing with my mom at an ice skating rink where my niece and nephew were playing. We were at the counter talking to the cashier waiting for my dad to show up. It was in that very same moment, within my dream, that I realized that part of my life was over. He wasn’t going to be showing up anymore…for anything. And my heart was broken all over again.

His memorial service is in 3 weeks. I will be performing a hoop dance to honor him. It’s something he always got a kick out of watching me do. I have chosen a particular song to dance to. One that speaks to my heart and that I feel represents my dad and where his soul now resides. I wanted to provide a description of the meaning of this dance and song. My mom is putting together a program for the service and she needed it no later than tomorrow. With a heavy heart, I walked to the business center and opened my computer. I felt the keys under my fingertips and knew that this was going to be one of the hardest things I have ever written. It’s not a very long description, but I still had to fight back the tears with each keystroke.

“I can interpret one of the many aspects of the hoop to represent the spiral of grief. Within the dance there is energy. There are highs and lows. There is continuous movement and there are stalls. The dance is a moving meditation. When I get inside my hoop I lead with my heart and hold a space of love. 

 

The song ‘The Mountain’ speaks of the metaphorical spiritual mountains that dwell within each one of us. We climb and descend many, but in the end the peak is the final resting place. A place where there is no want- no need. It speaks of the goodness of heart and a return to love. This is a place I know my dad now lives. And that brings me peace.”

Grief sucks.

Merging

Alright MoonStruckers~ Happily Homeless and MoonStruck are merging! As a mother and daughter team, we are planning to take MoonStruck out on the road in 2014 (in a Pink Ford Escape no less!). Our goal is to spread as much love and magic through workshops and events (which will include yoga and hula hooping!) all across our great country, and we want to meet YOU! It’s time for a MoonStruck movement and we need your help. Spread the word, share the love, gather your “sisters”, stop by and like our FB page and reach out to us!

If you would like to host a workshop or event in YOUR town, please contact us at moonstruckgatherings@gmail.com

NOW is the time. Let’s make this happen!

World Hoop Day

Yes, there is such a thing and this is how I spent mine!

My family and I spent the day in Sedona, AZ and this photo is from our hike up to Devil’s Bridge. Pretty majestic shot if I do say so myself.

Inner Fire

We all have it. And it comes out in many different ways. Last night however, I released my inner fire by actually playing with fire! It was my second burn and it went much better than my first (on account of my hoop being lighter and staying together). My parents accompanied me to a fire and drum circle under the full moon last night. It was magical. Performers and vendors gathered to share their love and passion of the arts. There is just something about these types of events that bring the most beautiful people together.

I met a lovely woman who let me spin with one of her extra fire hoops. I was a bit nervous but only about hooping in front of so many people- I decided to get over it because I didn’t want to miss this opportunity. I stripped down to minimal clothing. lit up and began to dance in my circle of fire. The whole experience is rather primal. The heat from the fire gently brushes your skin, the whooshing sound of the flames taunt your ears and the burning glow of light dances in the dark. There really is no true way to fully describe the sensations…

Whether dancing with fire or without, the magic that comes from the body moving to the beat of a drum is enchanting. It is a form of expression that unites us across cultures and borders. You don’t have to be a professional to enjoy dance- all that is required is that you move with your heart. Be open. Be free. Release your inner fire.

Click here to watch me spin fire for my 2nd time!

How I got my groove back.

It’s been awhile since I had a good hard core, rock out, hoop jam session, but tonight was my night. Part of it has been that the husband and I have just recently returned from a 6 week road trip. The other part of it has been that it  has not dropped below 105 degrees for some time now- and that is just too dang hot to do anything in! Today however I decided to bite the desert dust and go for it, for it has been long over due. That and I have a brand new, super awesome, LED atomic hoop to boot! This hoop is the bees knees and has been patiently sitting in the corner of my room just waiting for a good spin. 

I gave it a go earlier in the day while the sun was still behind cloud cover. I suppose I lasted 15 minutes or so before that burning orb decided to make an inevitable appearance and bake me from the inside out. It felt good but didn’t feel quite enough. My attempt to go to the gym today was quickly thwarted once we arrived and realized that it closes early on Sunday. No matter. It left me with plenty of energy to head out into the cover of night and get my hoop groove on. This plan of action didn’t actually come to fruition until I was finished salivating over my hearty dinner of hawaiian pizza and subjecting my eyes to some rather inspirational hoop videos. They get me every time. 

But that is only half the motivation. The other half consists of music. I will admit, I have been in a music rut. It’s amazing when one has close to 600 songs on one’s playlist and there is just nothing on there worth listening to anymore. That put me on a mission and subsequently brought with it the purchase of 3 new tunes. Naturally, I will listen to these songs until death do us part, (so a few weeks straight maybe?) and then it will once again be time for something new. For this particular evening, they well served their purpose. 

Finally ready to go with hoop in hand and iPod in pocket, I cranked the music and let my body fly. The moon was out and about and gazed over me as I danced. I noticed lightening off in the distance flashing its flashy bolts, probably happy for the company of my flashy lights. I twirled. I swirled. I moved my body in soft, swaying, goddess-like ways. My insides sang songs of bliss. My bare feet took delight connecting to the earth. I transported to a place of freedom with the moon as my witness. 

All this happened in the span of an hour. It was all I needed. 

And this is how I got my groove back.