Breaking Open

Love. Grief. Joy. Inspiration. Triggers for the grief. More love. Gratitude. Tears. Magic. These last few days my emotions have been running the gamut. Yesterday I celebrated my 6 year wedding anniversary with my husband. It was a day to celebrate our love (though I believe this is good to do everyday!). The 6 days leading up to our anniversary I had planned a romantic/intimate experience for my husband and I to share together- one day for each year we had been married. I woke up feeling peaceful and excited to kiss my husband and wish him a happy day. He left for work and then it began to sink in. This day, 6 years ago, my dad was healthy, cancer free and walking me down the aisle. Now here it is less than 2 weeks away from attending his memorial service. There are still moments of shock that this is my new reality. 

Last night we went out to enjoy a night on the town- dinner and listening to music. It was open mic acoustic night at Joe’s Grotto. Everyone who performed was really awesome. A couple of “old timers” in particular. I found myself thinking that my dad would really have enjoyed it. Listening to all of these artists perform, I was inspired. I was having such a strong appreciation for the opportunity to be living here and now, as a human being, and how fucking beautiful we all are. The sorrow, the darkness, the ups and downs, the light, the laughter- all of it. How great is it that we get this experience?

By the time we were driving home, it was after midnight. Which meant it was October 1st. Which meant that this is the month my dad would have turned 61 if cancer hadn’t ravaged his body. I closed my eyes and decided I would just go to sleep instead of falling apart. And even in the middle of the grief, I was thankful. This is the human experience. It’s not always pretty and no, it doesn’t always feel good. In fact, a lot of times it really fucking sucks. But this is what we have. I take it all. I’m going to take it all in and let it grow. I’m going to let it grow so big that it becomes bigger than me. So big that it breaks me open and I become a complete manifestation of love. And that love is going to circle around the Universe and become a part of everyone and everything else- until it makes it way right back into my soul.

And how cool is that, right?

In the wave of Inspiration

It comes and goes and ebbs and flows. Inspiration. Right now? I’m feelin’ it. I believe that the Universe sends you signs/people/opportunities- it is just your job to be aware of them. Oh yea, and then you actually have to take action. I think that’s the hard part for me. I’m the kind of person who wants it established and successful like, yesterday. But at the same time, I really enjoy the collaboration and creative processes. 

My vision is so clear. Which is also why it can be so frustrating that I am not fully living that vision yet. I do know my time will come. It is inevitable. Too much has opened my eyes and my heart for it not to be. As of late I have been contemplative- what is it that holds me back? Doubt? Fear? Self discipline? I try to reflect on what all these things mean to me…and let me tell you, it can be quite an exhausting process. It involves digging deep- getting honestly raw. And just when you think you might have it figured out, somehow your (my) brain wants to take it even deeper. It’s like trying to figure out the origin of the Universe. 

I think the thing that keeps me going is trust. Trust that I am on the right path (can you possibly be on anything else?). Even when life smacks you in the face with something you don’t seem prepared for, somehow it is all perfect. This I know to be true- for me anyhow. I would much rather have not had to experience the death of my father at the age of 30. And yet, the story I am writing for myself couldn’t have allowed for anything else- because, there IS a bigger picture here. And I am leaving my heart open enough to discover and participate in whatever that may be. 

Yes. My time is coming. 

Wordplay

MagIC  whiMsy     pASsion inspiRATIon  CREativiTY    siSTerHOod  LOvE       WilD WomAN

        authENTIc        jOy  CoMmuniTY            diSCoVerY tRANSformaTIon   CIRCLes sPARKle

  DAncing      HuLA hooPS                godDeSSes       LaughTer    BeaUTiFuL    connECTion

 GliTTER    wanDs       FaiRies lunA            wisDOM  CronE  WisHINg casTINg

gaRdenS   BreAth GiggLEs    sPiRAls                            BiRthINg SUPport

dyNAmic            ManIFeSTAtion spiRIT   divINE        BliSS     HaPpy    potioNs diviNatION

yOGA accepTAnce       fREedom                           souL

MoonStruck

What words inspire YOU?

Tea Time!

It was an afternoon of decorating hats, making wishes, reading tea leaves and tasting delicious treats, all within a circle of women. Today marked our 2nd official MoonStruck event and once again we celebrate a success! Not large in numbers but everyone who was meant to be a part of today, was. My mother-in-law was in town and a wonderful addition to our circle.

This particular gathering attracted a much younger demographic (a nine month old and her 4 year old sister!). I love to see the younglings surrounded by a beautiful group of diverse women. I think it is so important for their character, self-esteem and hearts to understand the importance of sisterhood as they grow into women themselves. If I ever have a daughter someday, this is the environment that will surround her. I also believe it is just as important for us adults to have young children around as a reminder for what matters in life. They help us remember a time when life was always full of magic and wonder. There is an innocence and sweetness to their interaction and relationship with the world. We should all cherish such moments. 

I come away from days like this feeling inspired. I have a renewed sense of passion and creativity. I feel blessed to be in the company of such amazing and loving women. This is what MoonStruck is all about. It’s the whimsy of little treasures that sparkle, the laughter during story telling, the connection and support we feel when going through a difficult time, the inspiration that comes from learning something new and the recognition that each of these women are ultimately a reflection of a part of myself. I am not separate from them, nor they from I. We may be individual threads, but we all come from the same glittering tapestry.

To all current and future MoonStruckers, may you be blessed and discover the magic that awaits you!

I am a Queen

Be Present

-Kelly Rae Roberts